I'm not sure I should be posting here. I'm actually diagnosed as Bipolar II, but have been in severe depression for over a year and can't remember what a manic episode even feels like at this point. I feel like I'm just waiting to die and want to rush it up but worry I would screw it up. I don't want to survive if I make the attempt. That's the only thing that has kept me safe, if fear of messing up. No my doctor doesn't know how close to the edge I am. He does suspect. After I told him I had ordered my tombstone and have preplanned my funeral.

I've tried about every medicine available with no success. Not really looking for any solutions just wanted to put my feelings down somewhere.

Thanks for reading.