I wish the hefty price to stay alive medically and emotionally wasn't so big, because I hate saying this, but insurance financial **** and unable to work because of unknown symptoms made me lose 2 jobs already. I believe money will kill me without a doubt. I just don't even know, I lost hope because of these excuses. So many other people with problems and have money, and that in the big picture I am treated I am not important. I am the face of true human cruelty and torture and not even exaggerating one bit. I don't want to compare myself to others in this way because I am not an *** nor indifferent to other people, but I always treat people how I want to ideally be treated. Instead, even when I am not physically doing well the indifference will always be there from medical community, parents, and friends. I may be askewed, but I had less of a part of my mental health falling apart recently like everyone says it is. I basically cornered myself when I was healthy, and now I am truly screwed. I don't believe I will live long from this. I haven't met one specialist or dr or human who could help me remotely. I am not completely helpless when it comes to my own mental health, I take action I take responsibility of myself all the time by not talking bout anything and always being quiet out of discipline. If I step out of line I fix my actions and take my responsiblity b4 anything else can happen. I am not playing the victim, I am force in an organized fashion to be treated like this, partially the wrong stigma I give with my previous growth and positivity, but never truly happy and actually recovering from anything. I can't do it alone and I am expected to die alone and live with alone by my parents, friends, and medical people. I just feel trapped and tortured in a very weird cruel way. I may not be stable emotionally and look at this later saying it is not true, but no matter how I look at it now or later stable or not. The outside crap/abuse I deal with will never change or leave. I am not a human to the people around me I am dog in the dog house.