Hi Jadedbutterfly,

I have ptsd from a horrible tragedy during my childhood. My brother was very sick for 4 years and passed away from lukemia when I was 7. Then when I was 8 I was molested. I can remember many events around the time of my brother, but I have totally blocked out any memory of him. I couldn't tell you what he looked like etc. IMO I couldn't deal with this tragedy so as a defense my brain blocked all memories. The molestation I can remember like it was yesterday.

I believe a lot of my mental issues stem from my childhood trauma, especially bc in the 1970's therapy for kids was not common so I was not helped. I spent many years self-medicating with drug and alcohol to supress my childhood. When my Mom bring up the past I can't handle it and become so upset and depressed. From what I understand it can open the flood gates so to speak if I dredge up my past. What I have to learn, and I'm not sure how it will work, is to grieve and get past the survivors guilt of a person I can't remember in therapy. I think from experience carrying around undealt with trauma can manifest in lots of other areas like addiction, guilt, and illnesses. I think it's important to get these things out with a therapist, but I don't think that means I have to relive and remember the past in detail. I would never go under hypnotherapy which one T I had recomended. I don't want to risk opening the flood gates. I fear it will be more than I could ever handle or come back from.

Love n Light,

tnt