Gaylegg: I know that I don't speak for everyone, but IMHO I think it's more than fine for you to post here. I know how horrible and crushing that pain is, so if it helps you even the tiniest bit to talk about it here, then post away.

Do you feel up to calling a crisis line, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK? I have called three times this year and each time the person I spoke with was very kind and patient. Be kind to yourself, ok?