Why are my January 'anniversaries', so, very, differently viewed by me? Gosh, two great grandmothers, one winter(perhaps one was in Feb? perhaps not, I remember my dad driving us to a wake in a blizzard), my granddad, the severing of the father/daughter relationship, one year, remembrance that this is the birth month of my paternal grandfather and his mother, mine was very close to hers, as I've been reminded, time and again, in youth.
I am reflective of a very emotional card that I wrote a heartfelt message to my mom, when she was in the hospital, on New Years, 2010. I wrote it all out to her, everything, I ever wanted to say to her, I did so, in a hospital cafeteria, not caring who saw the tears flow down my eyes.
My maternal family, taught me how to grieve. My maternal grandparents, both lost their moms, within a couple weeks of one another. I don't remember who the family minister was, whether that be, grams dad or granddad.
Whatever, brought me out of my sleep, I just know it was a very loud conversation in my head, not argumentative but dream quality, that forced me awake, when awake, I shouldn't have been. That, has only happened once before, there's something therapeutic about those moments, for me.
I will address, that, of course, as I did, that one other time. Ironically, close to the same time of year.