just for anyone wondering

i called a couple of crisis help lines and they were totally unhelpful. telling me to go read a book when i said i was homicidal. and stuff like that. telling me they couldnt help me and different things.

but i found one place that kinda helped ENOUGH.
but it is a texting line. you text them for help.

Get Help Now | Crisis Text Line

text "LISTEN" to 741-741 and they talk to you 24/7 about everything. and they said theyd talk to me however long i wanted to.