Hi. Me again. Sorry.

I finally go home tomorrow (yay!!!). I'm so excited to leave this place.

I'm seeing T the day after tomorrow. When I left, I was talking about some sketchy memories I was experiencing of something that might be CSA. I was having trouble piecing everything together because it wasn't like I actually completely forgot the trauma. I could remember some parts of it but not anything explicitly sexual. I always had a bad feeling about the memories and I just avoided thinking/talking about it. Something triggered me around Thanksgiving to re look at those memories. So T and I were talking about that. Nothing was concrete.

Now, I remember what happened. I remember, my body remembers, and I'm really not questioning what happened anymore because I know. I'm scared my T won't believe me because I originally said this when I was unsure and because it's kinda hard to believe. I also mentioned it as a possibility based off of the little bit that I did remember before leaving and she said "I really hope that isn't true. I really hope for your sake it isn't".

I need to tell her because I need to talk about it... I'm just scared she won't believe me. I'm probably projecting because I knew growing up that my mom wouldn't believe me. The fear that she won't believe me just feels so real. I feel like no one will believe me.