I've been single for about 7 years...I have a strong fear based, but sensible, reason for not letting anyone closer. My children. I am convinced that the risk of letting someone in to fill that father role is too much. I can't handle the thought of them being hurt by losing a father again.
At first my anger and bitterness toward the father of my children was motivating enough for me, every single damn thing in life was a reminder of what he did, and the thought of being intimate with another man was torturous. I roled up my sleeves and put on an independant brave face to deal with all that was left.
Therefore, by burying my feelings in work, and taking care of day to day things, I rarely had time to contemplate the memories and the lonely times.
But we all know, there is the times when there is nothing, and no one, and no hiding.
At those times I eventually learned to just give into those feelings, to feel sad or lonely if I wanted to. It never lasts forever, maybe an hour or two, put on a sad movie and cry...this is where I am now. These are my choices, to protect and respect myself and my kids. To me it looks like this. And little by little, every day turns into a week turns into a month, turns into my life now.
This is certainly not what every single mom faces, some are desperate for someone anyone, but we know how that can end.
I refuse to be one of those...I'm learning all I can about myself and my choices, and you know, I'm strong now.
I can't say how many times my pillow was wet with tears, but, I can say it isn't anymore. It all passes, and the trade off is worth it.
I would rather have my life without being under the thumb of a tyrant, or a sociopath as I was when I was married.
Everyone says- "Oh, you'll meet someone when the time is right", and for me thats been about never. But maybe I'll be alone forever. And you know what, thats okay right now.
This probably didn't help you feel less anxious about being single, I realize how just the thought of being alone can lead some people fishing for another mate, but, if you don't know how to take care of yourself yet...it probably means, you aren't ready to be a healthy partner, or you may attract someone who wants to control.
Just learn what you need to learn how to do it...you'll get to where you need to be.