I can connect a lot to this, and I hope that it settles down for you a bit soon. I do agree that, most likely, once you settle back into the routine it will get easier. Hopefully it will. Just curious, have you tried wearing a warm hoodie when you go outside? Might not do anything, but personally I feel more protected and hidden when I wear a hood, like I'm being hidden and warmed. And you might not need to, but if you do think you need a professional to help you sometimes, perhaps you should try to convey your feelings through writing? When I'm trying to discuss something really secret or personal with my T, I often clench up and start panicking at the thought of her reacting or interrupting me, but she lets me write things down and then hand them to her to read, which still gets exactly my meaning across but with less stress. Sending hugs, good luck with things!

- Rin