I've never been in a relationship. I think the hardest part is just wondering what I'm missing. Whenever I say that, people just laugh and say "you aren't missing much! Men suck and relationships are hard", but I must be missing something otherwise no one would bother being in a relationship.

It's hard to wonder what it must feel like to be held and have someone say they love you. It's hard not knowing what that must be like and wondering what it feels like to be loved.

It's hard sitting around with other women and they all start laughing about something involving relationships and I just laugh too even though I have no idea what they are talking about. It's hard being the one that everyone goes to for relationship advice but having no real experience to talk about.

It's hard to watch my friends starting to talk about marriage and I'm still wondering when I'll have my first kiss or hold a guy's hand. It's hard to listen to people talk about their crazy sexual escapades when I feel like I'll never get a guy to want to do that stuff with me.

This one will sound weird, but it's hard listening to people talk about their ex when I've never had anyone would could have become an ex. I mean, having someone at some point in your life want you enough to say he wants to be with you and you alone? That idea is amazing to me. Like it's weird enough to think about two people actually both liking each other. And then these people have found more than one person to like them back? Enough to have an ex or two? I wish I had history with someone.

But it's just the way things are. I don't usually feel sad about it because I have tons of my own issues to work out. I'm not ready to be in a healthy relationship and I'm scared of intimacy.