lolol he doesnt let her call or email but hangs out as if they were friends? that makes sense lol

It is unusual, but consider my own relationship. In December, my T decided to hire me to create her website as she was leaving the practice she was in to start her own practice. At the time she said this would be bordering on a dual relationship. I told her I thought it was a dual relationship. Either way, we agreed the therapeutic relationship came first.

In the last 3 weeks, I have learned more about T than I ever thought I would. When meeting with me about the site, she is completely her absent-minded, ADD, non-creative, picky self. She has shared the hurt feelings on both sides of her departure from her prior practice and her vision for her new practice. She has spoken of how tired, stressed, and confused she is. She wondered why she decided to do this at Christmas, when several sequential sets of company stayed with T and H and not one would help with the physical move from old to new office.

Also in the process, I've learned that she is paradoxically vain and self-depreciating. She doesn't understand technology very well. She wants what she wants even when she doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't like aging. Her H gets on her nerves. In other words, she's human.

Do you know how intimate it is to photoshop a person's face? I feel like I know more about her wrinkles than her dermatologist and her teeth than her dentist. We have emailed each other approximately every other day. We texted and spoke on the phone yesterday. While on the phone, I heard her being very sick (weak, little voice, coughing). Friday, she mentioned going to lunch. The lines have blurred.

Is this harmful? I don't think so. In fact, it helps me even more. Here's why:
1. I am far enough along in therapy that I can handle this.
2. I no longer idolize her like I did in the beginning.
3. I am in school to become a T. I now have seen T being a very normal person. So a normal person can be a very effective T.
4. I know I'm relating to a normal person who understands someone dealing with very human issues.
5. I know that a T can effectively minimize negative personal traits for the interest of the client.

So I look forward to the final stages of my therapy journey which will start Wednesday after a four-week break. To each their own as long as nothing illegal or harmful is occurring. Just like doctors, Ts must abide by "do no harm".

There's a part of me that wants to say something like "different strokes for different folks" and have an open mind. But, truth be told, I think this is just messed up. My dad has been that kind of T in the past (has on occasion invited clients to our house, had an adolescent client who met with his tutor at our house for eg) and trained under a guy who regularly invited his clients for supper. So I've seen this kind of thing in action though not from a client perspective. It's kind of old school in that the old psychoanalysts didn't have such firm boundaries with their clients (Freud analyzed his daughter, Jung had patients who lived with him etc.) so I think that some people think of it that way. But these things evolved for a reason.

And you know what? It's not cool. It's a dual relationship, it's unprofessional and it jeopardizes client confidentiality. Rainbow you were just saying that it was hard for you to see your T's other clients in the waiting room! Imagine having dinner with a bunch of them at her house. Imagine her tipsy and sharing an inside joke with another client. How could she even really make conversation not knowing what was okay to talk about and what wasn't. What if you got into a political disagreement with her spouse or child? Also: it's all good to share a glass of wine and hang out socially but emailing between sessions is a no-no? WTF???

My opinion, as a non-professional mind you, is that something is askew with that therapist. I would say the majority of T's would view this person as having really bad boundaries. For one, what about client confidentiality? Here's a hypothetical I thought of, a high profile client goes to his party while manically depressed and infected with erotic transference, one of the other party goers happens to know someone close to her and drops the ball that the high profile client is in therapy, a rumor goes around town, the client loses her credibility/job and then has to move because no one else in town will touch her. The scorned client decides to make a complaint with the APA, and or sue. She decides the therapist seduced her into attending the party, and hence it is his fault. At best don't you think the hypothetical T in this situation would look totally incompetent? One of the fundamentals of therapy is supposed to be keeping the relationship professional which means not blurring lines of friendship and client/patient. That doesn't mean T's don't make small talk, that just means that T's don't see you outside of the therapy room itself except in a highly unusual circumstance such as a visit to the hospital to see you after you lose a leg. Throwing a holiday party, unless you mean like a small party during a group counseling session conducted at his house, seems way over the top. He might be an ok T who just maybe is lonely or something, and he does nothing else weird, this is just his thing. So, I'm not saying the T is definitely a bad guy, but I do think having a holiday party at his house is not good therapy.

I couldn't agree more with Favorite Jeans. I'd also like to think that if it works then whatever...but in reality it opens so many avenues for confidentiality issues that it makes my head spin. This is reminiscent of the old school analytic style you used to hear about. Marilyn Monroe's analyst had her move in with his family to re-create the family unit she never had as a child... and it did not turn out well. Of course her story is extreme and every case doesn't end badly, but enough do so that strict ethical guidelines have been put in place. These methods were largely abandoned for a reason. It's just got conflict of interest all over it.

I think it is a question of delivering the service you are being paid for.

If you are a licensed clinician, and market yourself as such, and someone comes to see you specifically because of that qualification, it's implied that you are being paid to provide professional clinical services. Along with that goes an expectation of confidentiality and a professional level of care which definitely doesn't include socializing with the client outside of session. I have heard quite a few stories of people whose therapy failed (sometimes spectacularly) as a result of a T with poor boundaries and good intentions. Although it might not be harmful to everyone, it can be harmful enough to some people such that licensing boards decided they can revoke your license for that kind of thing.

On the other hand, there are some T's that may offer "personal coaching" services on the side which are not marketed as therapy or as something designed to treat mental illness, and this kind of service doesn't come with the same expectation of confidentiality or firm boundaries. EDIT: In the case of someone offering both types of services, the client pool for one or the other definitely should NOT overlap.