Quote:
Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x
I just feel really angry and violent today. I"m not violent by nature. I get this way though. I just want to smash things and break things and scream. I just feel like my brain is rattling around in my skull and it's really anoying. I'm really angry at my job. I hate these stupid tasks. I call people out of curtesy to schedule them. But teh doctors take it as it's my responsability to call them and them not make a phoen call to me. I have 89 providers to call patients for. There's only one om me. We already have our own patient load of probably around 3,000 patients a year.
But the company I work for is huge. We have 17 clinics. So I only call patients 1-2 times, and if they dont' call back I let the doctor know. Then I get it back "spoke to the pt and she's ready to schedule now. Give her another call" or "just keep trying." I have hundreds of patients to call. This really pisses me off. I haven't seen a psychiatrist in almost 5 years. Does anyone ever call me on non-compliance? Does anyone call me to check and see if I want to be seen? Does anyone ever call to find out if I'm okay? No. Oh, but if I had diabetes then don't worry, some mentally unstable girl will be there to hold your hand and take all your responsability away to make sure you get your appointment.
And this morning I almost chased a guy down the highway because he wouldn't let me over.
I'm just a powder keg really.
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So sorry you are going through a hard time Faerie Moon.
This is NO LESS debilitating then cancer or any other horrible physical disease, that's for sure! Because the illness can't be "seen" by others or under a microscope or x-rayed etc, the mentally ill are pretty much stigmatized & neglected in our culture. Certainly,no one chooses it.
Does it help you to vent (write out) your frustrations and angry feelings?
That's what I do when I am angry and it really does help me feel better.
The people in my life that have had mental illness, have (honestly) often been the most sincere and highly intelligent as well. I hope you feel better soon. Don't give up! If you're holding down a job, that in itself is something. It sounds like you are not liking it at the moment, but having a job gives you some power and a purpose. You should be very proud of yourself. (in my opinion!)
