Hi there, I've been the overly questioning force on the "Romantic Feelings Toward Therapist" thread, as I'm brand new to therapy, and having massive transference issues toward my therapist that I feel are being met with mixed messages and weirdness.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/roman...nsference.html

That's the link to my story should anyone dare to read it.

I have no idea what I'm freaking doing. But I'm going. Weekly, now, whereas before my transference was keeping me from going weekly. I just don't understand how this man can make eyes at me, then tell me bout boundaries, but continue to be so flirtatious. He does make progress, he doesn't only flirt, but he does flirt. I really like my T as a person and a therapist, I think frankly, he's the only part of therapy I like, the rest of it makes me feel like I'm digging out my own spleen with a blunt spoon.

My hardest session happened yesterday. It was the second time back since I made my confessions. The session was extremely tense from the jump, as I came inside, sat down, and could barely look at him. When I did, he had a smoldering long smile and I was like "oh STOPPPPPPPP!!!!!" But it broke the ice, we talked about how I should learn to relate to him, and how I have massive issues being vulnerable. And finally I asked, "what do you get out of this?" And then came the long smile and a lot of blushing, but I decided, to take some power back (or so I thought) and said "I'd hate to think this is really ALL bout me. I know you see hundreds of patients, I know we're not really special, but in these moments, I would think beyond a paycheck, you get something out of seeing me" And he smiled and said "there are just some things for your safety and for ethical reasons, that I can't tell you about, can't answer for you and there are boundaries we must have." When he said that, he was serious, friendly but serious, but he's just...always flirting with me, and it's only now that we're starting to go backwards, deeeeep into the dark murky hellish childhood I had. I'm....so scared.

I want this transference to GO AWAY. I want anything to take it away because I want to only need therapy ONE time in my life, be cured and then be able to live a good life. I love my husband, I adore him, our sex life is fantastic, we're amazing together. This is a distraction that is rendering me to tears every day since it happened.