There was a time I was all alone and suicidal. I tried killing myself with a gas stove. I sat there with the gas on thinking about a lot of things past and present. Then as if an out of body experience I saw myself at the gas stove trying to kill myself. I did not want to be found that way. I stopped. I went to the ED and checked myself in. They totally understood and was very helpful. If it gets that bad for you remember, you can always go to Emergency dept at any hospital. They will not turn you away even if you do not have insurance.