Yes Innerzone this recent incident with my mother isn't significantly different than other experiences. I think what may be changing is me. Lately, as in these last two weeks I have been thinking a tiny bit about talking to my family about my diagnosis. This incident is just a reminder of maybe I'd be understood or others could help me make sense of the changes in me - not in the be my doctor type relationship but in terms of someone just familiar with me to say hey you seem different or whatever.

Guess if I have more experiences like this and interpret it as being useful if folks knew then I'd eventually share it.

I think it's just a sense of isolation with having BP NOS. My experience is that I haven't read much which says Yes that is me. I don't know, I know it sounds pathetic but I feel isolated even with the diagnosis, like if I had another type of BP I might identify more with folks. That plus not telling folks about it has recently pulled a bit on me. Sure I want my cake and to eat it too, by wanting to feel included and not sharing. I know it makes no sense. It's like the whole if my hand is closed I can nether give nor receive. Oh well I am confusing myself at this point.

Yeah I've been emotional, will sit on this for a while and tell when I have made a decision to do so and not just some emotional reaction to feeling alone for while. Maybe it's just the holiday thing of feeling alone. I don't know. but thank you so kindly for listening.

MiguelsMom, that sounds like a good way to talk about it. Boundaries have always been an issue with me and my mom. It would be lecture time for her, intended with Love though.

Winter4me, I think part of it is that I can't educate them because I can't understand it myself. I have searched online but still it doesn't explain it in a way I really get. Will research more and continue to understand then maybe will be able to tell others. Yes I understand my experiences but not how it relates to my diagnosis. I'm confused and am learning.

Feel like I asked too much of you all already by listening thank you.