Needing to vent because I don't have anyone to talk to about this at the moment as I figure out how to go about it with my wife and support team.

Because of a strict up bringing and shaming about anything sexual I have spent most of my life relatively uncomfortable with physical intimacy. The physical act of sex makes me uncomfortable but I have learned to embrace it to some degree for my wife of eight years. I do have a sex drive but I feel bad to "burden" my wife with it. I always feel like she needs her sleep, that she may think all I love her for is sex and that i am being selfish or disrespectful for initiating sex so I leave it to her. We have talked about this to some degree but she comes from a bit of the other end of the spectrum. Her family jokes about sex a bit, not a lot, but they are more comfortable about it then my family. She is a little younger then myself (myself 40 and she 31) so there is a bit of a generational gap due to sexual liberation and people understanding that sex is normal and healthy if used and done responsibly (50 Shades of Gray and all), something I still struggle with.

Sexual intimacy has become even more complicated because I am a bit older and take medications as many people with bi-polar do so she tends to finish and I don't. We have tried to work around this some. She has done oral to manual stimulation before / after we have had intercourse to try to reciprocate satisfaction but it can take long periods of time that I fear cuts into her sleep and she sometimes gets tired from it taking so long.

I have had periods of hypersexuality before. I purchased male sex toys (got caught with one when I moved back in with my mother when in my college years and she is old school / nun when it comes to porn and sexuality) and watched or purchased more adventurous pornographic magazines and movies when I was younger and single, no big deal generally. I would go a week or two of increased self gratification and it would subside. But the last couple of months have been very hard for me. I am cycling and have had a very strong urge to be more active. My wife works a lot and we have a child. I have no alone time and feel like she is going to think me a pervert for feeling so excited. My rational and reasonable mind knows it's just psychosis driven sex drive from hypomania combined with the frustrations of impotence and delayed ejaculation and it will pass and it isn't that important but I have been obsessed lately. I am becoming resentful that my sexual needs are not met due to medication, age, no alone time and over compensation of objectifying women from my upbringing and constantly seeing jokes about "all men want is sex" and "I have a head ache / am tired" and I don't want to minimize my wife or be the sexually charged inconsiderate perv.

I have been trying to get back into see a psychologist but am fighting the red tape and the fact insurance offices are closed for holidays and weather. I tried to tell my wife I am feeling over whelmed (though I am ashamed to tell her I am super horny because I feel like a pervert). The hypersexuality is just one symptom of many that are nagging at me but the most triggering because of the shame.

I love my wife and don't want to hurt her over something so superficial as sex drive but it is eating me alive right now.