I feel like an outcast coping with depression (it's been about three years sense I was diagnosed). I feel driven by nothing but the idea that one day I'll be famous and sucessful and look down on those who hurt me. All I see is black and white and unlike most people suffering from depression, I feel a strong... hatred towards many. I don't know why I just do. This problem causes me to lie all the time for no reason and never express my true emotions to anyone (or at least not directly to most people). I usually play the "no really I'm fine" game and wear my mask everywhere I go. I feel like an alien... none of my friends understand for sure, and no matter how hard I try I can't keep a stable relationship. It hurts so much, but my only coping mechanism for these ill thoughts of hatred and depression are to act as if I was playing the parts of my life like a movie... I act for my family to make sure I never look weak, I act to keep my job, and I act to fit in but on the inside i feel like I'm burning up slowly... And sometimes I like that agony because it reminds how precious life is.