My ex has started talking to me again. To give a bit of background, we met about 10 years ago in middle school when i was living overseas. We've been friends ever since. About two years ago we started dating, seeing each other between christmas and summer breaks (i'm in uni, he's in the army). And when we were together it was perfect. I felt perfectly comfortable around him, and i am generally a very closed person around anyone. Even when we weren't together, just hearing from him would make my day. To keep in simple (and not ramble), i was in love with him, in every way. i put my entire heart and soul into the relationship, and i even took a semester abroad to his country to be closer. Needless to say, it ended abruptly before i even left. no explanation, no anything, just a blatant "i don't love you, i don't have any feelings for you and haven't for awhile now". So i finished the semester, and came home early. To be honest, i haven't been the same. I've avoided talking and thinking about it because all it does is make me feel worthless, and i sink into the biggest depression hole.
But now, now he's messaging me, and after me yelling at him and berating him, he still persists. not in a i want to get back together way, but he talks to me just like before. I hate myself for admitting it, but i find that every time my phone goes off, or i check my email, i find myself hoping that its him. It brings me so down, but it lifts me up at the same time. I don't really know what to do to be honest. I suppose i should just tell him to stay out of my life and f off, but i can't bear the thought of it. I still have feelings for him, and when i hear from him, i feel...alive. and everything else, everything i worry about, everything i stress over just seems trivial. I feel whole again. Like the empty pit inside me isn't there anymore. But then i remember where we stand, and it all just comes out raw again. He was always someone i could go to, so where does this leave me now? UGH.
thanks for listening.