I've been depressed for pretty much my whole life, I'm a male at 24. I haven't gotten treatment when I was younger, but started therapy late 2012 and meds in 2013. I've probably tried over 20 different meds in the last year starting slowly, then leading up to their maximum dosages. I have been so back and forth that I don't know what is going on chemically, but generally I felt myself getting worse, and worse the longer I took meds. My family told me I pretty much turned into a zombie from the meds. So recently, I decided to go off all of my meds completely, since nothing has helped me. Obviously, I had to have a problem to want to go on the meds in the first place, so I know I'm not really okay. I just need more people's advice on my situation.

So since going off of all meds completely, I feel like I can think again. My head is a little clearer. But that was only a week after being off of them. I feel more depressed now, on my 2nd week of being off of them. I've been regularly seeing a therapist since 2012. My current therapist keeps telling me how I act, because she lets me email her. She says that every other email I send, I'm talking about how I don't think I can go on much longer, I'm hopeless, I want to die, etc. But every once in a while I would seem just okay.

Just since my recent switch to being off meds completely, she was excited, but I guess both of us are really confused. I don't know wtf to do with myself, am I bipolar maybe? Should I go back on meds? I'm so lost. At this time of writing this (I never know what I'll be thinking the next day, unfortunately) I feel like giving up. I've never been a high-energy person, I don't think I can obtain this energy. All I do is cope with my problems by playing video games all day (I'm talking like 8 hours a day). My brain is over-stimulated and I can't ever sleep right, but there is no way in hell I'm going on sleep meds after seeing my dad on them (he's dead now).

Of course there is a lot more to the story but I don't feel like writing that much right now.

Any suggestions?