No---I don't really consider it suicidal at all---it's a completely rational exit strategy if things become unbearable---like how they give spies a cyanide pill in case they get tortured because you know better to just die than that right? I'm just worried about it being in my file now---I didn't think it through at all---I should have just lied. There is the possibility that it will come back to bite me in the butt later.