I refuse to discuss suicide with mental health professionals. Whenever I feel like that I just work through it. Discussing it is pointless. Having those thoughts documented in my records does not alleviate my despair. All it has ever done was alienate me and give me a stigmatizing label called BPD. The psychiatrists would tell me I would always have those feelings and that there was nothing they could do. ****ing ********.

I had my first suicidal feelings in ten years right before Christmas. Four days ago death was an attractive option. My psychiatrist isn't going to ever find out about this. She knows I am depressed and that is all she needs to know.