Sorry to interrupt this conversation, but I don't think all the recent boundary discussion points really account for everyone's experiences, and as most agree, it's not either/or-there are many grey areas.

My T was a good, ethical therapist but after practicing over 35 years, he allowed for more flexible boundaries with certain patients. I've noticed some Ts tend to "march to their own beat" when they get older and more confident and wiser in their decision making. As the years go by, they might gravitate more and more away from theory, the rules, and what they learned in training, and move more towards what they know in their heart is best from experience with treating different people over the years. A T who has seen and heard it all, treated 1000s of all types of people over the years, has listened to angst caused by every possible evil human beings are capable of, and who has learned from every good and bad decision s/he made over a span of decades...seems to have a sort of serene aura about him; a composed posture of kindness.

He doesn't take on new patients who couldn't afford treatment, but he has treated a patient who had a serious mental illness for free-for years-after she lost her insurance because she was too poor for treatment. He has treated me for free when I had a major hardship in the past.

He invited me to a festival before, and now that he is my x-t, he said he and his wife would be glad to drop by at a nearby restaurant if I was in town (we actually never did yet). I was usually overly cautious about intruding on his boundaries, so it actually helped me in terms of other relationships in my life. Now if I made demands that he change his boundaries and meet me outside of therapy, I probably would have been making how I feel dependent upon whether he did/didn't do this; so, loosening things up probably wouldn't have been good for me. But at this point, my sense of self was so much stronger. I actually credit this self-development to the fact that he kept solid boundaries in place, in many ways, for the most part. Through this, I learned that his interpersonal boundaries had nothing to do with my worth.

He is in his 70s, has never been sued for malpractice, and has never had an ethical complaint filed against him. You can tell that he is just really a true professional who views what he does as a "calling", rather than a job. He enjoys his patients and would never view them as a "job" and would not associate them with unpleasantries when running into them at social events. He has joyous feelings about his patients. No this does not include everyone and all the time-he needs his space like everyone else. I told him that I would prefer he say hello and talk to me in the case we met somewhere by chance, regardless of who I was with.

I have not seen him in many months, but I guess I feel the need to defend him after reading some of the posts here. I also realize none of you knew my T, and that my experience is as unique as anyone else's.

Terroni, I hope this looong thread is helping you, but I just want to add to or reinforce what some others have said-that Ts have different boundaries and often for different patients. It's just difficult sometimes for us as patients to have the ability to know if certain boundaries can help or harm us (or the T) in the long run. So what feels good and right with your T might harm you in the long run. I have no idea if this is the case with you, but like others have said, it's always a possibility with any of us.