Tallulah, I don't know what I'm going to do...

We have an appointment scheduled for this Friday. When I think about it, I feel... nothing. If it happens fine and if it doesn't, well no surprise there.

A friend suggests it is not right that I'm not angry with the t but I'm not. I don't like that she's cancelled, but she's sick and how can I be angry at someone for being sick? If I am sick and can't go to work I don't want my employer to be angry with me because I'm sick. Yet part of me wants to lash out and strike back; cancel on her or stop seeing her altogether...but would that be helpful or kind to me?

It is making me think that if I can go 3 weeks without seeing her, then maybe I don't need to go at all. If I want to continue then I have to decide if she's available enough, healthy enough to be available to me. She is a network provider on my insurance plan, she is reachable by bus, and those are major concerns for me.

Sometimes... this is all just too exhausting.