L - I still think you're trying to almost self harm with the starting & quitting the meds
It's not like you're forgetting to take them right? If this is what's going on, how do we get you to want health enough to not SI? I don't want you to hurt yourself in any way, the world does that to us enough on its own. You are so kind & patient times you've talked me down from SI or Sui ... And I'm grateful because things are slowly getting better. You're beautiful and very motherly, it's ok to be angry sometimes - being a mom & wife are the hardest jobs in the world. Goddesses have wrathful sides, like Kali mother goddess, but she will chop heads rather than put it inward (don't chop heads - you don't want to get locked up). Idk how to fix SI, I think it's an expression of intense emotion & becomes habit for people. I think my kids have stopped doing it. I'd like to think my therapy, not judging them, compassion helped them stop. I still go crazy and scream at the dishes they didn't do, but I think they know it's me losing my temper rather than them. But we're older we don't have someone to nurture us like a loving mother would, so we can learn to do it for ourself, turn that into the habit rather than the harmful internlization. You're also dealing with cp, which most here don't realize. You have a heavier load than anyone I know. Maybe I'm off-base, but I love ya sister, I wish I could help. You're an amazing woman & friend. I'll turn FB back on & msg you. I had to get away for awhile cuz the stuff with my sister on there was triggering me. Plus I've been manic & working or playing video games nonstop. Really hope you're doing better. You deserve to feel healthy & balanced, you really do and you LOVE your kid & he's awesome too!