Quote:
Originally Posted by manymiles
Yes Innerzone this recent incident with my mother isn't significantly different than other experiences. I think what may be changing is me. Lately, as in these last two weeks I have been thinking a tiny bit about talking to my family about my diagnosis. This incident is just a reminder of maybe I'd be understood or others could help me make sense of the changes in me - not in the be my doctor type relationship but in terms of someone just familiar with me to say hey you seem different or whatever.
Guess if I have more experiences like this and interpret it as being useful if folks knew then I'd eventually share it.
I think it's just a sense of isolation with having BP NOS. My experience is that I haven't read much which says Yes that is me. I don't know, I know it sounds pathetic but I feel isolated even with the diagnosis, like if I had another type of BP I might identify more with folks. That plus not telling folks about it has recently pulled a bit on me. Sure I want my cake and to eat it too, by wanting to feel included and not sharing. I know it makes no sense. It's like the whole if my hand is closed I can nether give nor receive. Oh well I am confusing myself at this point.
Yeah I've been emotional, will sit on this for a while and tell when I have made a decision to do so and not just some emotional reaction to feeling alone for while. Maybe it's just the holiday thing of feeling alone. I don't know. but thank you so kindly for listening.
MiguelsMom, that sounds like a good way to talk about it. Boundaries have always been an issue with me and my mom. It would be lecture time for her, intended with Love though.
Winter4me, I think part of it is that I can't educate them because I can't understand it myself. I have searched online but still it doesn't explain it in a way I really get. Will research more and continue to understand then maybe will be able to tell others. Yes I understand my experiences but not how it relates to my diagnosis. I'm confused and am learning.
Feel like I asked too much of you all already by listening thank you.
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You know, this does remind me of when I found my symptoms (many years ago) described, at least in part, under a term called "anxiety", and for several years it made no sense to me at all. I am a calm person. It is hard to remember it not making sense now, not "clicking", not explaining; and indeed there turned out to be so much more...perhaps the diagnosis does not "click" or explain yourself to you because there is something else going on...or it is incomplete/clashes with what you know of yourself. I can well understand why you would hesitate to share the DX if you don't understand it yourself----I never talked to anyone till I was older...I knew something was "wrong" but I couldn't name it ---- when my behavior was "off" I had names like "I'm having one of my 'fits'" or I simply withdrew. I had two rules, one was to work, the other was to not go home.
And, I needed those rules until I could in some way deal with my self.
People often misinterpreted my behavior ("aloof", "not sociable", and then quite the opposite at times..."cool" "doing whatever she wants" "calm"...)
If you do share, you probably feel questions may come you cannot really answer, and assumptions will be made that you cannot correct; time will tell.