I have to add to the verbally abusive husband with untreated BP. First, men much more than women see mental illness as weakness. And therefore seeking help and treating his illness is resisted as seeking help only makes them feel more weak because they feel they can't do it on their own. People who feel this way, say to themselves "I can handle this", "I don't need some shrink giving me a bunch of pills" ..etc and it sound to me that your hubby feel like this as well. I must add that I disagree with the comment regarding medication not helping abuse. I disagree, your right that if a person is indeed an abuser, they will continue being an abuser, but anger, hostility and aggressiveness to hand in hand with BP. Until I found the right meds for me I was constantly verbally abusive, hostile and darn right nasty..almost all the time. So, if your inappropriate behaviors are caused by the illness which I am sure of, then treatment with meds & therapy will lower his aggressive and hostile behavior. Mine got better. I had a lot of soul searching to do also and that helped as much as if not more than the meds regarding resentments I had carried for years, which were exacerbated by my illness. And though I was behaving abusively, it was purely a symptom of my illness and not a personality trait.
Back to your husband thou (sorry I am jumping around here and not using names, but just joined last night and using the phone app which offers fewer options when replying) like I stated above I was hostile and it was all due to the BP which I hadn't yet found the right meds for me, therefore were not relieving me of my irrational anger. He probably doesn't realize he's behaving badly in the moment, I just hits you like a 16 wheeler, and there doesn't even need to have a reason to show itself. I could sit all by myself in my favorite chair and out of nowhere, bam, I was PO'ed....then I'd get irritated that I was irritated...it sound insane because it is! but do you research, learn all you can about BP, it's a spectrum disorder which means it has varying degrees of severity. One person with BP can live a normal life, another with a more severe form of BP may be incapable of just keeping up with daily chores let alone holding down a job! Learning what he's experiencing will help you see that this is not about you, if it wasn't you it would be someone else. You're just handy...and even people w/o mental illness take things out on the ones they love....so, your really getting nailed. There is a wealth of information out there & here! You should read about his illness, being a spouse of a BP, convincing a loved one to get help and so on. He needs help and you need to get that across to him, pick a time when he's relatively calm & approach him with understanding and as much kindness as you can muster. Berating him or judging will make him hostile and more rebellious about accepting that he is sick and needs help. Sending you hugs, love and prayers.

Much love, Diane