It's very hard for me to admit that I was diagnosed with an ED years ago. I'm naturally thin and the image that I have of those with EDs is very different from anything I've suffered with. My heart goes out to those who have such a hard time because of an ED.

From a you g age, I've felt that no one cares about me or likes me and that I didn't have enough good traits to be seen by others. However, people like me more if I'm skinny and pretty. I feel unnerved by people who are thinner than me.

In middle school, I used to beat myself with objects for not being thin enough and counted calories and portions like crazy. I got teased for it. As I got older, I'd deal with food cravings by chewing food and spitting it out.

I got caught puking in High School. I then noticed that I could get away with it better if I slammed booze then forced nyself to vomit it. I gave me a lot of pleasure. I'd also skip meals to save money. When I tried to stop, I started SI. I got myself under control a bit and saw a therapist who diagnosed me with bulimia.

Nowadays, I'm typically fine, but I keep little food in my house, feel guilty if I eat bad food for days in a row, and don't own a scale. I've been OK though. I typically love my body.

Now, I feel fat and ugly. I'm binging and I want to exercise a lot and have thought about puking. In considering not eating for a couple of days to save money and burn calories. It's a horrible idea though. I'm pretty sure that I am lacking in some nutrient and I am very prone to hypoglymia.

I'm getting scared and feeling out if control. What's happening?