I think some illusion/delusion is necessary. At some of my most lucid and low points I felt I saw people as they really are. I was very disappointed. Not because I perceived them as weak or failures or anything like that. I was just very disappointed at how many people lack any real depth or ongoing compassion that lasts more than a moment. I'm sure you can guess what the final illusion is/was. That one I'm still struggling with. If it's lost... all is lost.
I hope you can get past the negative effects of your experience and find a way to use it to your advantage in your struggle for self worth and esteem.