So I have been trying to figure out 'what's wrong with me' since I was younger. I am learning more and more as I progress, reflect, journal, practice mindfulness, and speak with others with similar experiences. At first I never thought ADHD would matter, until I stumbled across a source that described it not as an attention disorder but an executive functioning disorder. Does this make sense to anyone?

Anyway, for some time now I have been considering getting tested for a learning curve/disorder. It's not that I cannot function but it's just so difficult, especially when everyone around me is convinced of my high intelligence but I just don't feel that I can apply this intelligence where it needs to go. When I was devoid of a social life and focused 95% on my school work in highschool I could not get higher than a C, but most of my teachers saw great potential in me. I put myself under a really heavy workload which didn't necessarily help my case. When I transferred to another highschool I stopped caring because it wasn't challenging and the learning environment was terrible because my peers were out of control.

I went on to community college and two semesters in a row I passed 1 class and failed 1 class, which kept my GPA so low that I had availability for the PELL grant taken away.... Then some time later I tried online schooling with a healing arts school, not only is it a true learning experience of materials and life but... I feel so much better about the class structure. I can guide myself, I don't have to waste time sitting in a class-room trying to soak in everything by listening, surrounded by other people that I cannot help but to be aware of... I can just spend time teaching myself the material and I love it.

I have been learning things about myself that I never thought true such as perfectionist tendencies, being task oriented, and even how my mind wanders and daydreams which is why practicing mindfulness and occasional meditation has been invaluable to me. I found out, by researching the executive functioning aspect of ADD/ADHD that the methods of coping with ADD/ADHD are eerily similar to the coping methods that I have developed to overcome my major depression and generalized anxiety... two things I have actually been diagnosed with when I pursued professional help when I was finally aware I could not handle my suicidal thoughts on my own.. I have brought this idea up to a few friends, two that have been a variety of co-morbid diagnoses including ADD/ADHD... Who affirmed this more than anything, even though they never brought it up to me. I have been on a search for a long time so a lot of things that click I will bring to the people around me and explain why it clicks... This is the first time they actually agreed.

I think that I am managing my issues on my own very well, especially having developed positive coping mechanisms through research and limited time with two different therapists. I know that I learn quickly and I am eager to apply my learning to applicable situations...

So what are my options? What should I know? Is there anyway to know for certain? What kind of experience is it to get tested? Under what conditions is it worth going through testing for ADD/ADHD, or for a learning curve/disorder? One of my biggest issues is being able to hear and comprehend what is being said, and I know when I was younger I had a lot more sensory defensiveness towards noise, especially multi-layered noise or noise/music mixed with voices/words. I really avoided listening to any music but instrumental when I was younger..