Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
I don't know what dream world you are living in or what fantasy books you have read about people who struggle with anorexia or ED's but FYI.....most have gone through CSA or other trauma, some have dealt with the struggle dealing with abortions, rape & horrible things that have happened in their lives.
ED's initially are coping mechanisms to control an otherwise uncontrollable situation in their life & it's usually NOT about having such a wonderful life & being so perfect & body image to start with usually isn't even part of it though it turns into that over time.
The fairy tale books you are reading to make anorexia look appealing is JUST NOT ACCURATE. You need to get your facts correct & it's NOT the PRETTY PICTURE that you are trying to paint for why people end up struggling with anorexia.
You seriously need to clear up your distorted thinking regarding anorexia & ED's in general.
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I never said I got into my ED because I thought it would be a barrel of laughs. Do you think I haven't felt pain or suffering? I get that my problems weren't as bad or as important as some suffering from those terrible things you have mentioned (and I certainly won't claim that they were) but I have felt lost and confused and unable to articulate the pain that I've been through.
I got pulled into my ED because I was desperate for the things the girls in those examples seemed to get: love and respect, success, sympathy, understanding. I didn't get a lot of sympathy and understanding when I was growing up, and even today I feel like I'm constantly striving to make up for it.
I live with constant regret that if I were a better child, then other people would not have treated me like s***. I grew up with other kids rejecting me and bullying me and not understanding why until years later when I look back at my behavior and see how disgusting and stupid I was -- of course people would treat me badly as a consequence. Why did I not see what I was doing was unacceptable? And why could they not see that I wasn't trying to be annoying or disgusting; that I just didn't know any better?
If you lived the life I have, you might begin to see why anorexia, as it is presented in the media, starts to look like an appealing answer to your problems. Unlike other mental illnesses like drug dependency, books and articles about this ED seem to be lauding the disease more than giving an urgent awareness. They seem to say, "This girl is so wonderful. Why can't you be more like her?" I mean, Jerry freaking Christmas, they usually include the girl's lowest weight in the articles. They might as well say, "Until you weigh as little as this, we won't care about you. You're not good enough."
"Not good enough" seems to be the mantra of my life. It has been even before my ED and will probably continue to be until long after I die. Not good enough to have friends. Not good enough to have a decent job. Not good enough to be accepted as human being. Living under that does take its toll on someone.
I'm sorry for any pain and suffering you have been through. I truly am. But I have been through some suffering myself, and while it might not seem important to you, it seems overwhelming to me. Please don't take it personally: it's just one of my many, many defections not to be able to handle pain well.