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I just wanted to say that I can relate to so much of what you are saying in this. I have had most of the same feelings and thoughts at different times.
I wish I could give you some good insight. I will say that I don't think you are totally alone. You did mention a boyfriend. I hope he is supportive.
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"Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!" --John Irving
"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." --C.S. Lewis
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