For the first time in therapy today, I felt myself close up.

We were discussing what my childhood was like, how I was compared to my older siblings, we were talking freely, then the conversation changed to school teachers and I was saying how this one teacher was really mean and how I hated her, I was describing how this teacher was on one occasion, and there it was, this image, like it happened yesterday (I'm 35, this would have happened 20 years ago) for a split second it was like I was there again, in that classroom with the teacher being mean and announcing my flaws to the class.

My T asked me " how did I react, what did I feel like " there it was, like something just closed up inside me, I just replied wanted to leave, she asked how I felt emotionally, I just shrugged and said I don't know, I just couldn't say it as I don't think I know what I was feeling.

I didn't tell my T how it felt like I was back in that classroom for a split second, don't know why I didn't. Might bring it up next week with her.

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