Hi, my name is Donna. I am 63 yrs old and I have been diagnosed with Bipolar with Rapid cycling back in 1996 but have had the symptoms a long time before that. I've been in many hospitals a couple institutions for as long as a year 2x. And in and out for a week or a month here or there since 1980.
My husband and children at the time of I'm assuming the beginning of my bipolar symptoms my children were 4 & 5. They had to grow up with all the symptoms of anger, demeaning and unnecessary but still it came out. With long periods of depression and then many bouts of mania rolled into sometimes four or five times a day. They haven't really forgiven me even though it was the disease and not me personally doing it, but they couldn't tell the difference. I didn't know what was wrong how could they. My husband stuck by my side through thick and thin. As of today we've been married 45 years. In 1996 after being diagnosed with bipolar rapid cycling. I went into a severe deep depression that I could not climb out of. And this lasted for years. Finally my doctor said nothing else would work that he had tried but maybe shock treatments would. I had 25 over a year and a half and I began to come to the surface and know that there is life out there to enjoy and it was nice to be aware of my surroundings. I have been on 7 psychiatric drugs to keep me stable. I haven't been in a hospital for bipolar for 15 years +. I have had some mania and depression recently and I don't want to go back to that life. So I take my meds as instructed and try to keep up with life as it happens and deal with the problems at hand instead of sinking into the comfortable abyss that I used to live in. I have been good for the most part after coming out of my severe depression but it took all my willpower and the loving care of my husband. Although he had little knowledge at the time of why I was doing what I was doing. Bursts of anger, laughter, sarcasm, hateful remarks, classic bipolar. But today I enjoy my family. No lingering effects except the scars on my girls' minds and hearts. But we're dealing with it. And I have finally come to terms that I can stop apologizing for being sick, when I didn't ask for this. I can now forgive my mom completely for her behavior towards me knowing now that she had bipolar also. So did my older brother. Our girls were adopted as we were unable to have our own children. At least from us bipolar will not be in their future or my grand children, I pray. The most important thing I learned after getting out from under the depression is to forgive anyone that has wronged you. To take your meds and ask questions of your psychiatrist who give you those meds and be honest and upfront when possibly having symptoms arising again. It's doable. A life reasonably free from all the ups and downs of bipolar disorder. Thanks for letting me vent. Donna