I can relate. I keep getting hit with the beautiful five stages of grief and how after a year I should be over it. I'm not. Thank you other posters for the hope that it may never go away but it does get easier. My father passed away suddenly in front of me on 1/4/06. Unfortunately I am living alone in the small rural house where it happened. Everyone expects me to be over it, supposedly I was always the strong capable one. Not really just knew how to bury it. Comes when you grow up on eggshells or a land mine field. Weird thing is now I also find myself thinking about my mother. She died 15 years ago. She was nasty tempered, volatile, reminded me I was hopeless, basically I was never really wanted by her. Yet, now at night I find myself crying for my mother. WHY??