He always wanted to get away from here - so he did, he always wanted to get a really good job - so he did, he wanted to do sports - he is doing it now, we have old friends in common, I do know that he has moved on and I feel sorry for myself, for being so pathetic, 21 years old working at the bar with no degree, one silly diploma that can't help me in any way, no friends, no money, back to living with my parents in a one bed apartment.

I agree that I need to become more independent and happy with myself but I am not, I always wanted to be good for him and with him, I always wanted him to see real me and I used to think that he is the only one who does, I was never like him, I didn't know much about history or politics - he did, it is like I wasn't smart enough although I know I am not stupid, I was wiser than him in some other ways, but did it count for him? probably not. I just really need to start loving myself, be happy again and do something to fix my life like he is fixing his but what can I change? I am young and I have no experience and I feel down every single day, how in this state of mind I can ever improve myself??