Canders you're not wasting anyones time here. I think we all come here for support and to give support - and that is not a waste of time!
Please don't stop posting. It sounds like you need the support.
I hope there's light ahead of you. Even if only looks the size of an atom it might be the beginning of a world of light Try to keep your hopes up and ignore what those people are telling you. Obviously they have no clue what you are going through.
Please know that you can always come here for support and that you are not a waste of time.