So, here is my situation: I can be very funny, caring and fun to hang out with, interesting to talk to, and am always straightforward and loyal. I can also be moody, unreasonable, overly emotional and downright out of my mind. Bipolar disorder can do that to you. This makes it so very, very hard for me to date. Guys don't want to deal with any of that - they want a perfectly-assembled woman who has her life together and who is totally placid. At least, the guys I've gone out with seem to have wanted that. All the bad relationships I've been in have conditioned me to keep my distance from guys, even when I'm dating them. Obviously, each guy is a different story, but you'd have to be a complete vegetable to NOT take something away from your past experiences... especially when so many of them have had the same outcome. It's a double-edged sword -- if I let them get to know me, they will leave. End of story. But if I don't let them get to know me, then the relationship goes nowhere, other than one-night stands or booty calls (after which the guy leaves anyway, probably thinking I'm just some fat slut who has no respect for herself, which only adds to my lack of appeal). It's really upsetting, because I want to fall in love with the right guy and spend my life with him. But at this point, I'm beginning to lose hope that it will ever happen. I'm 27, and I feel like I'm running out of time. Not just that -- I'm also very lonely. And yeah, I realize these are exactly the wrong reasons to date. But my bipolar disorder will always be there, no matter how long I take to "find myself" or figure things out. I know myself well enough to know that, as stable as I may become, there will always be situations in which I will lose it. They happen a lot less frequently now than they used to, but they can still flare up. Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life???? Oh, and I'm a fat girl too. Score.