I'm sorry I keep posting. I am in a bad situation.

I've made a real mess of things. All I wanted was Ex-H to stay away from me. I filed for a restraining order (stalking, not abuse) but now they have deposed me, asking for all correspondence, posts, and private journals. We are going to trial where I must provide evidence of every incident I alleged or they will say that I'm just crazy and try to discount everything I say. My journals describe how ex bullied me into going to sex clubs when we were first married and I feel so ashamed. They also detail a 3-year battle against depression, si and bulimia.

My T is being subpoened so she can testify on my behalf.

I had to change my user name because he'll find it out.

The only one silver lining is that all his crimes and perversions will be discussed in open court in front of his witnesses, and he will read what I truly thought of him.