I have always had strong instincts but lots of insecurity when it comes to following them...which is why I find myself in a mess with my husband. Long story short: from the first day I met him, I was both attracted and repelled. He was never terribly supportive of me and always put his priorities first, but also showered me with love. Then he would go through periods of ignoring me, and shower me with love again.

I always blamed myself for his moods and actions. When he would go out drinking for days on end and yell at me when I confronted him, I thought I was just too uptight. When he insisted on doing something I really disagreed with, he would tell me I was trying to control him when I voiced my opinion.

Now I am stuck in a foreign country with him and really want to come home, but that would mean separation and possibly divorce. My gut says it is time to leave--my therapist(s) have said this, too, but I feel so incredibly guilty, esp. because there are two kids involved. He ignores my needs and wishes but I feel responsible for maintaining a relationship between him and my kids. So do I stay trapped in a marriage and country I hate or leave and have my kids feel the loss of a dad (a mediocre one, but a dad nevertheless).