I don't know... Sometimes I just feel so damaged

Love's a really complicated thing for me.

I've only ever been in love three times. Two of those ended up being really bad experiences. The first of those was truly terrible and changed me for life. I'm not going to type it out because I don't want to relive it, but it involved me being beaten and stabbed. It's left me very afraid of being in love because of the pain it can cause, while at the same time left me wanting it so badly. - you know, to keep the faith.

That's all been confounded by the more recent experience. Moving to a new house only to have my partner cheat on me and leave me isolated and alone. I'm lonely. And to find someone I really love seems unreal and frightening. I'm left feeling desperate. And because of that I blew it.

****, I'm crying. I've not cried in eight years.