back story: I was with my ex for 4 years we had a lot of problems we broke up and I felt like it was my fault I went a long time thinking that I was the reason things broke off .I wasn't good enough or I was asking for too much (because I wanted to get engaged) . the last three months of our relationship he went out all the time and would barely talk and it made me feel like a pile of poop.
once it was over I was depressed for a month feeling like I lost a good thing . Like I ruined the best thing I could ever get.

After: after the month I started dating and my friend told me to online date for a bit because I am busy. So I did I went on a couple of dates and either I didn't like the guy or he didn't like me. I finally went on a date and had conversation with someone I was able to open to. When we met it was nice we had fun and I actually enjoyed myself. We went on a few more dates and decided to be together.
but then once together I would compare him , his looks, height, weight, facial appearance, career all to my ex. There were moments when I no longer felt comfortable with him not because of those comparisons but because he cared a lot he was constantly nice always wanted to talk to me and just was always soooooo nice. at times It felt suffocating . We spoke and decided to take a break he wanted me to figure out what I wanted and would still be there as an ear for me. So I got back on the dating site.

Now: I started talking to a guy who met everything I wanted he wasn't too nice but he was a gentleman (or I thought), he was career driven had a good job, loved to travel and was sarcastic. We spoke for two weeks and he asked to meet up ( my poor decision comes up) he was driving from north dekota to new york and was taking a three day break in chicago and wanted me to join him. I said what the hell and I went. THe weekend was fun we did things and I felt things just clicked. When we got back to New york the day after we texted a few times he said he would call and then he didn't. the following day he apologized and told me he spent the night in the hospital and would be there still till later that evening. I called him once i got the text but no answer then I texted that I hope he felt better soon he texted a few more times and stopped so I asked if he was okay how he was feeling . the third day nothing no text at all from him. so in the evening I sent him a text asking if he was still interested and if not to just text back that he wasn't I would prefer the honesty over trying to contact someone over and over. He never replied. Something in me told me to get on the site and he was back on I am guessing searching for something else. I felt like he got what he wanted and now there was nothing to persue. Which bugged me a lot because on our car ride back to NY I asked if he actually wanted to continue seeing where this could go his response was "of course".
I felt terrible like every time I felt like something clicks perfectly especially this time because it was the first time I didn't compare the guy to my ex or think about my ex and then he doesn't call back.
So the guy from before the nice one (call him Mr. A.H) he asked to have dinner with me so I went and I tried to enjoy the time but I kept thinking about how he wasn't everything I want but his personality minus how nice he is was.

I don't want to hurt him because somewhere inside i do like him I can talk to him and be myself and when he talks to I enjoy listening but when he gets nice and tries to be caring and affectionate its turn off. I don't know why
I just want to be able to find the person I am supposed to be with and just stop blaming myself when things don't work out. I felt terrible with my ex at times but the good moments I would repeat those in a heart beat.

What do you think, suggest?