I have had an eating disorder of sorts for 11 years now. It comes and goes and has never gotten horribly critical. Sometimes I don't even have to worry about it, my eating returns to 'normal' and I feel much better about myself. Then I realize I'm starting in with the behaviours and emotions along with them and before I know it I'm neck deep in the issues again.

This week I admitted that I am having a problem with it again. There's usually only a small window between when I can see it happening again, and am ready to get help before it gets to the point where I don't want to give it up. Yesterday I told my counselor, and explained the whole pattern/window, etc.

She referred me to a group that meets once a month for four months, and begins very soon. I'm feeling so mixed up about it. Relief, fear, overwhelmed, hopefully, anxious, and pessimistic about it all. There are not a lot of resources in my area for me, as most are for adolescents only.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, perhaps some encouragement or validations. I'm just so tired of always being anxious about it...