It took me a very long time to trust my t, and I still "test" it all the time. Hmmmm, how did we build it? It was so many sessions of me, sitting across from her, curled up cross-legged on my chair crying and crying. I kept saying I was sorry and I couldn't articulate or say the words out loud. She liked me and I was happy with that and I didn't ever want to say anything that would change how she felt about me. Why her care and her opinion of me mattered, I don't know, but it really does....

Anyway, she kept softly encouraging me and saying we didn't have to talk about anything I didn't want to. She promised and reassured that nothing I could say to her would alter her opinion of me. If it got silent or too intense for too long, she made some funny remark or talked to me about something random like my favorite TV show.

Eventually what got me trusting her was:

1. Her disclosure. She disclosed private and personal struggles she had overcome or dealt with.
2. She addressed my fears about her thoughts/opinions of me.
3. She constantly reassures me.
4. She stayed past appt times (once or twice) when she felt we were close to something and said she knew it was a particularly difficult session for me.
5. She thanks me and tells me I'm courageous after I share something personal.
6. One time, she shed light tears after my story and it touched me so deeply that I knew she was genuine.

I hope you can tell your t that you are embarassed to say things because you fear the feeling toward you will change. I think addressing that feeling inside you might help you draw some of the courage to say the difficult and scary stuff.

It's awfully embarassing to reveal the things that cause you to feel shame, you are strong and you will face it when you are ready.