The thoughts lifted some... actually ate food and felt better. But there is this massive guilt in the back of my head as if I was pretending to be as low as I was. That I am actually fine and it's my fault I'm feeling the way I am. That I want to feel the way I was feeling. Ugh. Best to sleep on this note and hope it carries on into tomorrow. But the guilt... that somehow I lied on the phone when I was being perfectly honest. Now that I'm alone it's eating at me.