Things are pretty awful for me right now. It really has nothing to do with what I talked about in session last Wednesday. This really started before then and is very much a bipolar episode.

I went 5 days with no sleep at night at all and only 2 or 3 hours not necessarily all at a time during the day. My pdoc, who is a saint called in a sleep med, but it didn't work. He then called an antipsychotic because he viewed no regular sleep as strong enough to knock me out at that point. This whole time I was very irritable, not eating, and constantly on the move.

When I saw my T Wednesday, he was highly concerned that I was manic and headed for a crash. I saw my pdoc the next day, and by that time I had developed tremors and an internal jitteriness that was really causing me anxiety. I guess shaking=anxiety to me. I was pretty certain that was a side effect of either the AP or lithium or the combination of the two. Pdoc agreed, but because overnight I had started sliding into depression. He was not about to change my meds. What he did do was put me on inderal for the tremors. I just took it today, and it did seem to help. Pdoc said I am definitely in a mixed state.

Sleep is still sporadic since Thursday. It is sort of an every other night event for me right now. I woke up this morning and knew I had officially crashed before I even opened my eyes. It took over an hour to talk myself into getting out of bed. My husband decided I needed to speak to my T, so I did. He went over my med issues and reminded me of our plan times like this.

They are two very patient and skilled men that I am so blessed to have caring for me, particularly when my bipolar decides to take me for a ride.