gently gently gently does it
i think it isn't so much about changing reality
as it is about making sense of the reality
making sense of it in a way that it is easier to cope with
making sense of it in a way that one is able to respond differently, in a more manageable way to it.
but gently gently gently does it

i really like the idea of little tests / disclosures
i think it is important to build up this sense of attunement
and part of that is experiencing that a lot so that one feels secure and safe in t's presence
and part of that is being able to rely on that sense of attunement to regulate intense negative affect
that way when you start to disclose little things that are hard and t responds with attunement which regulates your feeling ashamed into your feeling empathetically understood
you have that little bit more faith and confidence in their ability and willingness to emotionally hold you rather than their judging you or shaming you or being unable to contain your emotion
and gradually over time you can share harder things...
i think that is how it is supposed to go
but gently does it yeah.

it can be really scary to trust someone when you have been hurt by attachment figures in the past
it can be really scary to find yourself becoming attached when you have been hurt by attachment figures in the past
i guess that is why people talk about going slow and building trust
and the first stage of the process (and a stage that is often returned to)
is a stage of building trust and building that sense of security
so that that becomes internalised as a backdrop and little empathetic failures such as when the therapist responds in a not optimally empathetic way or little empathetic failures such as when the therapist takes time off are better able to be contained by you.

i guess it will happen at its own pace...
but it can be one hell of a scary ride,
that is true.