Yes my son went berserk on me - I tried to throw him in the pool one time when he was calling me names & spitting on me when he was 12 or 13. but he was stronger than me. I would go back if I could with what I know now, how horrible of me. What he did was wrong, but he needed his feelings validated and I just tried to punish him. Teachers were telling me I needed to take control and show him who's boss. Screw them. That advice made things exponentially worse.

Kids with MI or other issues don't always respond to punishment, it leads to more bad behavior. I think these ones respond to kindness & understanding, and finding a time to talk when everyone is calmed down.

Also in my opinion, these kids are actually smarter about the world, have been through more than other kids, see the world differently. So they are able to have deep conversations about real & deep things. As a parent, saying sorry is huge points with them. They know when we do something wrong. Saying sorry and letting them know our feelings made us lose our cool cuz we're only human too, they can usually really appreciate that.

It's complicated & every situation & family is different. But after all the therapy, and skills I've worked on, I'd like a re-do, as tortuous as that'd be for me, I could help a different outcome for where they are at now.

But I have to practice my resilience, and remember it can get better & we've made some headway. It can get better, and support and understanding from here has helped me hugely... It's not something my picture perfect neighbors could ever understand. We're here to try to help each other through.