I tried a few different antidepressants in the past, but gave up because of the side effects. I've been considering getting back on them for months, but it's been impossible due to a variety of factors. I tried St John's Wort off and on for the past six months or so, and I think it did help even me out slightly though certainly not enough.

Well, four days ago I decided to buy some SAM-E after reading a bit about it on the internet and seeing a lot of positive responses to it. Found some made by Nature Made at Walgreens (or maybe it was CVS...I mix them up) on sale with a 2 for 1 discount. The stuff isn't cheap, but not horrible with the 2 for 1 deal.

Long story short, I'm excited. This is my fourth day at 400mg, and I feel alive for the first time in 7+ years. I've done nothing different, my life is still in the same shape it was in last week, but today I feel so much better that it's making me remember how it felt to be a little kid back in the days before everything went wrong.

Obviously too soon to know if it will work long-term, but I am the most negative, pessimistic person I've ever known, and I'm feeling a sense of hope right now that the prescription pills, therapy, exercise, attempts at positive thinking, etc never gave me. I will be absolutely crushed if this feeling wears off, but I don't even want to think about that possibility right now because this is the first day in years and years and years that I have felt any better than a 2 out of 10.

Oddly enough, I had a dream last night that there was a really huge and vicious grey dog with giant teeth angry and snarling at me and trying to attack, but somebody had it on a leash and was holding it back, and it had a muzzle over it's mouth and I was laughing at it because it couldn't get to me.

Anyway, whether or not this lasts, whether or not it's placebo, it has been amazing to have one day of my life back from the snarling beast.