Quote:
Originally Posted by YungOne21
ok so, i've been dating my girlfriend for over three years now. I've even proposed and told her that we will be married some day. She accepted and agreed to wait. We're even going to start living together come late may early june. However, yesterday she said that she was wondering about maybe getting married in october... of this year. I'm trying to go back to school after a two year hiatus, along side being in a financial situation that is just barley above a hole. Now, my family found out about my proposal and for the better part of a year have been telling me things like "don't fall into a manipulative marriage" or " the wedding is easy, being married is the hard part. Now they say those things with an emotion that i can only describe as disdain for lack of a better word. Suffice it to say that even though i would follow her to the ends of the earth and know that she would do the same for me, i still find it hard to say a straight answer, being the kind of person i am with my ****ed up self, i find it hard to think that i'll be able to succeed as a husband or even reach my career goals. I need an unbiased party to help me think straight. I just don't know how to do that anymore.
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I bolded the parts I wanted to address, in your OP. First, you'll be moving in together come may/june. That is a big deal, and it's an expense. It's not unreasonable, to consider, with that change in your relationship, that October of 'this' year, may feel a little soon, logistically speaking. Is there something about this October that is significant, to her? Or would next October, 2015, work, just as well? With a move in June, planning weddings is expensive, that would give you both a little over a year, to adjust to your new living situation, while planning a momentous event. Plus, would give people time, to plan to be there, for the ceremony and reception. Gosh, it would almost seem to late, even now, to start planning an October wedding, in January, see what I mean? Planning, this January, for October 2015, now, there's a timeframe to work with, and booking places will be a lot easier, and any out of town guests, can start planning now, their travel costs and hotel booking expenses. For that, she's not thinking this fully through. For you, you sound like you don't know what you want to express and why you feel that way.
Second bolded part. About comments about manipulative relationships and being married is the hard part, with disdain. (as you'd describe)? Are those, subtle hints to you, from them, about their feelings for this woman? Or have they grown jaded in their own relationships? Or, is it, just cliché expressions, being misread by you? The part about being married is hard work, I would say it's common. 'Don't fall into a manipulative marriage???????' That's eye catching for me. Is she?
Third Bold: Unable to give a straight answer. Your words remind me, in some ways, of someone I used to know. The inability to give straight answers, was because of the fear of making wrong decisions. This person, had a tendency to be very indecisive, it was easier to ponder over and over in their head about a topic, and let someone else, or life's circumstances make that decision for them, than it was to actually make a decision. Ended up miserable in a marriage for years on end. Also, had a way, of self vilifying, it was a low self esteem issue, and there were things about how raised, that contributed. Not quite martyr effect, but along those lines....
Forth bold. Define success.