Christina,

i know how hard it is for you right now, and yesterday you told me that you are thinking of giving PC a break...i, and everyone else here, do NOT want this to happen, you are too valued here, and you are not a waste of anyones time, why would you be?

depression is the hardest thing most people have to go through in their lives, it really is. if you can conquer depression at such a young age, then most things are achievable. look at people here at PC, they have had such trauma and tragedy, yet they shine through and light up other peoples lives. you light up our worlds, well, mine for definate, but you need to divert this light back to yourself and focus on healing yourself.

i did say to you yesterday that we have to want to change in order for it to begin, whether you interpreted that as me saying "snap out of it" etc, that wasnt what i meant, i meant we have to accept that change NEEDS to happen and that we are willing to allow it, otherwise our lives will remain as they are. its a hard barrier to cross, trust me, i know! but once you are over that initial barrier the path to happiness does shorten and becomes less bumpy.

i know that you have been unhappy all your life, so for 23 years you have felt that you arent allowed emotions, or to show them, or to talk about them, to ask for help, all of that. i know that all this is so far from true. you ARE allowed emotions, we all have them so why cant we express them? you have just as much right to express them as me and everyone else here on this world. if you do this, if you talk about whats upsetting you, and if you work on this depression, it will subside, i cannot stress it enough.

you have depression. i had depression, people here have/did have depression, and we all know that it doesnt go overnight. we all know the hard works it takes, and there are so many people here at PC in particular that are living proof that depression can be conquered.

we cant control how life treats us, we cant control the events that occur in our lives - not always anyway - but we can control how we deal with them. you need to embrace these feelings, to stop being scared of facing and let us help you defeat it. we are here for this reason, and we all want to help...just look at the response you have on this thread. use this chance whilst you have it. No, we cannot make the depression go away for you, but with your help we can ease it and then the work that needs to be done by you will be so much easier.

i cant stress enough the point that your days will brighten one day, but you need to work on them. you have been doing work up until now, and i know you are doing brilliantly, just keep it up and use the resources you have to help you. i know for sure that you can do this. if i can, anyone can.

let me know if you need me ok, and stop thinking you are a waste of time. i am grateful and honoured to have you in my life, i wouldnt have it any other way. and i bet so many people here agree too.

simon